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It’s the best gift we can give you.Roxane Gay on Marriage, Ellen, and the Importance of Marginalized VoicesĪmerican writer, editor, professor, cultural critic, and social commentator Roxane Gay believes that women are at their best when they are bad, difficult, and heard. She showed me that I deserved to be loved, completely and generously. I admire her kindness, and also that she has a sharp side: when she’s in work mode, she’s a real badass. When I’m feeling down, she’s there to support me and remind me why I’m doing what I’m doing. We had planned a big wedding but, due to the pandemic, we ran away in June 2020.ĭebbie is a kind and caring partner. Then when I asked her to marry me she said “yes”, and I was thrilled because she was so excited – she started telling random strangers as they passed by that we had just gotten engaged. I was so nervous because I was convinced she was going to say no.
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As the sun was setting, we walked towards the boardwalk. In October 2019, I picked her up from LAX and drove her to Manhattan Beach, with the ring in my pocket.
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She had been married twice before and told me she would never marry again, but I thought I would regret not asking. I soon realized this was the woman I was going to marry and designed rings to match. I had googled “How long does it take to fall in love?” I said, “I love you too”, surprising myself. Just before Christmas 2018, she called me from a party and told me she loved me. Because I was nervous, I said, “Yes, just in case you want to have some personal time.” After dinner, I invited her to my room. She asked me if she should book her own hotel room. A month after our dinner, I suggested that we spend a weekend together in Boston. In fact, I thought she was a little scary. She’s the smartest person I’ve ever known and a lifelong New Yorker who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone. She ended up being the last person in line, and I was like, “Wow, she’s hot!” We had a lovely dinner, and when we walked out to the street, she asked if she could kiss me, which was sweet and sexy and romantic.ĭebbie is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. I had no idea what she looked like, so during the book signing that followed, I wondered if every woman was her. I was in New York for a literary event in October 2018 and we hosted a dinner party after that. The way she phrased it was lovely and she was persistent, so I agreed to have dinner with her the next time I was in New York. Several emails later, she asked me out on a date. Then Debbie sent me a lovely email talking about the impact Hunger had on her. I didn’t know who she was, so I told her to contact my publicist. Roxane: In 2017, Debbie emailed me asking me to appear on her podcast, Design Matters. Debbie Millman, left, and Roxane Gay: “Roxane wanted a big wedding…Gloria Steinem was going to officiate.” Credit:Getty Images